Dear friends, clients, and other acquaintances:

I am excited to announce The 6Teens Project, an ever-expanding trove of short, thematic videos in which teens discuss with candor the people and learning environments they find most helpful. Each video is designed to be a patch of a larger quilt which taken as a whole can help us better understand adolescents and how to serve them. The 6Teens Project is an opportunity for teens to help shape a conversation about what adults can do to better understand and connect with them. I trust you will find their responses as fascinating and inspiring as I do.

It’s simple and free to access The 6Teens Project videos:

1. Watch – Videos are available on The 6Teens Project Channel. You can also watch the videos on YouTube.

2. Subscribe – Receive new episodes as we post them. (Just click Subscribe on Vimeo or YouTube.)

3. Participate – Share this resource with others and let me know how it has informed your work.

In response to The 6Teens Project I have enhanced my training workshops to incorporate not only cutting-edge brain development research but also insights from teens themselves into how to build meaningful, lasting connections with them, as expressed in 6Teens discussions.  If you are interested in learning more about these workshops send me an email.

Enjoy the rest of your summer!

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Susan was a junior at Knoxville High School. She was obese. She abused a variety of drugs. Her grades were terrible. She didn’t take good care of herself. One day the basketball coach invited her to film each of the varsity team’s games. Susan accepted his invitation. That season, whether they were playing at home or traveling to other schools, Susan was part of the team. The coach soon noticed a transformation in Susan’s character and behavior. She lost weight, raised her grade point average, started taking care of her physical appearance, and stopped using drugs.

While I can’t know all the factors playing into Susan’s transformation, what I suspect did not change her were the usual methods we employ to improve adolescent health: curricula, demonstrations, lectures, interventions and such. The coach handed Susan so much more than a camera, and so much less than a battery of prevention techniques. He saw, appreciated, honored, and trusted her.

Why do human relationships change us? How do relationships change us? Imagine knowing someone well—a former coach, a classmate, a teacher, a neighbor. We can’t prevent ourselves from being impacted by this person any more than we can keep from making our own impact on him or her. It’s the nature of human interactions. We are changed and go about changing others through some means of connection we’ve formed with the people in our lives.

I encourage you to ask yourself a question at the deepest level possible: Who made the greatest positive difference in my life as an adolescent? You may remember a coach who believed in you, a parent who, despite your highs and lows, stood by your side, or a teacher who inspired you to be more than you thought possible. Who was this person? What about her changed your life? What would you say to this person now? If you could thank her, what would you thank her for?

You may be one, and you aren’t alone, who didn’t have anyone there to support you during this critical time in your life. You may have always craved the consistent presence of a compassionate adult who was there to cheer you on. Describe that person. How would you want that person to support and encourage you? What things would he have done to impress upon you his firm belief in you? Write these things down. Make your description as specific as possible.

This exercise leads us to a second question: How can you be this person you just described to the teens in your life? I will venture a guess that the person or people who influenced you did not do so by virtue of what they said. Sure, you may recall some profound comments. But what made the words profound was the quality of the person who said them to you. They were profound because they were spoken in the context of a relationship. The trusted connection between you is what unalterably affected you for life.

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In what sense should we be like the youth we care about? We wrongly assume that to be relevant to teens we need to be like them. Such an inclination to mimic youth is born of fear. If we’re like them, so we believe, they will like us. Unchecked, our insecurities lead us to talk, dress, and act like adolescents. I’ve been to youth camps and events where I had to strain to distinguish between the teens and the adults.

Being like the youth we serve cannot be our priority, not if we want to make a significant impact. Teens need and want us to be adults. They have lots of buddies. They want us to relate with them in a way that’s in keeping with our authentic humanhood. When we seek to be buddies with teens, they lose the best thing we have to offer: our selves.

We are a medium for youth, a living message. This message will translate to teens when we model for them what it looks like to be a responsible, compassionate, kind adult. If we fall victim to our insecurities and seek to prioritize being hip over being heroic, teens lose.

I knew a family that spoke to their children in “baby talk” to the exclusion of normal diction. Not surprising, each of their children had difficulty speaking in their early years. One could hardly understand them. They had only known baby talk and hadn’t learned to speak with clarity. Teens gain clarity about life best by being around caring adults who behave as adults.

To connect with youth in a meaningful way be yourself. Dress, talk, and act the way you normally do. This is an attractive quality to teens. Come to think of it, this kind of authenticity is attractive to everyone.

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