Many of you have probably heard or read of virtuoso Joshua Bell playing his violin in a Washington, D.C. subway. One of the world’s greatest violinists played his priceless Stradivarius for 45 minutes to harried commuters. Exactly one person recognized him.

The Washington Post and other publications and bloggers rightly illuminated this fascinating–if indicting–social experiment. But I’ve not seen any stories about how this changed the way Bell perceived those countless musicians in thriftstore garb playing in thoroughfares for tossed coins and dollars. I would assume that, in at least some small way, this experience changed Bell’s perception. I can imagine Bell passing a street performer later that day and sensing a kinship he could only know for having laid opened his instrument case in a dingy corner and playing his finest for indifferent passersby.

We can emulate Bell’s experiment in our own relationships, by intentionally stepping out of our realm and into another’s. Every time I consider what it must be like for my wife to parent our children each day–nourishing them in so many ways, putting their needs above her own–I am sobered. By trying to see the world as she does I appreciate her existence in a new way. This can’t help but have a positive impact on how I relate with her. I’m more ready to help, be patient, and support her. This is likewise true when my wife communicates to me her knowledge of and appreciation for what occupies my time, concerns, and interests. I feel seen and appreciated.

We best relate to those with whom we share an affinity. Developing empathy for others is a precursor to such affinity. But cultivating empathy is work. We’re inclined to restrict our perspective to our own perceptions. The landscape from this narrow perspective is familiar and comforting. But I would challenge you to try to see through the lense of another. Try this with one person you care about. Can you picture him or her? Now answer the following questions:

What is she most looking forward to today?

What are his greatest fears today?

What does he most dread doing today and why?

When will she feel most at peace today?

If you are like me, in confronting these questions you will begin to sense an increasing empathy for this person. As your perception of this person changes, so also will the manner in which you relate with him or her. Doing so helped Joshua Bell belong to the brotherhood and sisterhood of street musicians. When we apply this to our relationships we’re better able to commiserate with, and more effectively serve, greater humankind.

Tags: empathy in practice